I can’t even write this fucking thing
We will always love you…
The rest of them were fucking fools, you were the one man.
You had the voice.
Didn’t you fucking know?
Come on man!!!!
May the angels march you through the gates Chris Cornell…
This is about all I can get out.
So I saw him play once.
Euphoria Morning had just been released.
He was playing a solo concert to promote the album about 30 minutes away from where I live.
We get to the venue, I had been there before for weddings when it was called Galaxy. it was now called The Vanderbilt, if I remember correctly.
You were so close to the stage that it almost seemed disrespectful to me.
There was 200 people there, maybe 300.
He comes on stage and I’m 15 feet away from him.
I liked the album, I had waited a while to hear him sing without noise behind him.
I just wanted to hear his voice, so when he started singing, I was cheering at first…
But slowly I stopped moving… and I just stared at him in disbelief.
Listening. Taking it all in.
So after a few songs…there was this moment.
I am one of 200 people, I am not hard to spot from his POV, especially when everyone is moving except for one person…who’s standing dead still and glaring you intensely.
He’s playing and singing, his eyes are scanning the crowd.
Then his eyes lock with mine for five- ten seconds.
Long enough that I can say I could feel his energy.
He was human.
He had played coliseums and now he was on his own, promoting his first solo album, playing for 200 people.
But he was playing his heart out.
Singing his lungs out.
So we lock eyes long enough that we acknowledge each other by giving each head nods.
His head went up first.
He was saying:
He was a vulnerable soul I would imagine. I wouldn’t dare pretend to know.
But that look spoke volumes to me, it was a connection I would always remember and cherish.
It was massive to me.
And he knew it.
He was nodding at me, not to say:
Thanks for being here…”
He was saying:
Like you would with someone you had locked eyes with passing on the street, someone you got a good vibe from.
He was human.
That’s all I can write.
I’m fucked up,
I feel fucked for his family his friends.
His fans out there like me who will always look back on him from here on out and associate him with this tragic end to his life.
I don’t want to remember him like that, as he was yesterday.
But we don’t get to choose others life choices, we can only choose to love or hate.
To be compassionate or angry.
I choose compassion.
I, like so many others, will forever wish there was some way to speak to him before this act.
To explain the impact he had on us, and how god gave him the voice of an angel, a voice with the power to heal.
But, in my opinion, when you make the decision to take your life, the pain you are in must be immense beyond comprehension.
I just wish you fucking knew how much you meant to us Chris.
If you had an idea of the love we had for you, would it have changed a thing?
I never wanted,
To write these words down… for you.
With the pages…
Of all the things…we’ll never do.
So I’ll blow out…
And I’ll put you…to bed.
Since you can’t say to me now,
How the dogs broke your bone,
There’s just one thing left to be said…
Say Hello To Heaven”
– Chris Cornell, 1991